Neo Workxx » ED NOTE: This has bad words. Most of the other things we

write on here usually don’t Football Olisaemeka Udoh Jersey , but this one does. It seems to be a popular bit, so until the law catches up with me, I’m going to keep doing it. Thanks for understanding, and thanks for not reading and not letting your kids read it if bad language isn’t your thing. Hope you enjoy the rest of our articles—TedAt some point, every warrior poet deals with opponents you try take seriously, but just can’t get worked up for. They’re inferior at almost every position, their field general is more inexperienced than a year one med student trying to do brain surgery, and your field of battle kills birds at a rate higher than Americans shot down Imperial Japanese planes during the Great Marianas Turkey Shoot during WWII. So you reach into your bag of tricks to keep everyone focused. Maybe you yell a little louder, or swear a little bit more. Or maybe you lay off a little, and let the troops blow off some steam and have some fun: Whatever method you chose, you picked the right course and approach. Even though it was a slow start and things weren’t firing on all cylinders early, you wouldn’t let a win slip from your grasp. You grabbed victory by the neck, and dragged it across the finish line.Because you are Zim Tzu, The King In The North, Defrocker of Cardinals Youth Garrett Bradbury Jersey , Subduer of Equestrian Excrement Consumers, Nightmare of Clan Fromage, Breaker Of Gold Fever, High Septon Of Eagan, Lord Commander Of The Iron Range And Twin Cities, Master Of Fortress TCO, Honorary Elder Of Mankato and Protector Of The Realm.And when The Great Unwashed need to hear how you dispatched a team that probably tasted like chicken after you cooked them, you just can’t come right out and say it, point blank. That would be a tad uncouth, and unbecoming of a warrior poet. So you need to hire mercenaries* to do your dirty work for you.** We take what Zim Tzu says, then we hook up words and phrases and clauses to get you very far.*** *Hi.**It’s just a press conference about a football game. No mercenary shit is done. Although it would be cool as hell, not gonna lie.***No this isn’t Conjunction Junction, Interplanet Janet. It’s just me making shit up about what Mike Zimmer actually thinks, as my lawyers from Franklin, Bash Mike Hughes Jersey , and Bateman want me to remind you.As usual, Zim Tzu had an opening statement. What Zim Tzu meant: We fuckin’ dragged Arizona but gave them some garbage shit at the end to make themselves feel better about having to live in a goddamn desert. Jesus, everthing is babyshit brown out there. Fuckin’ terrible place to live. Sand everywhere, snakes, scorpions, about 130 degrees in the summer and don’t even give me that bullshit about it being a dry heat....yeah, fuck that place. We won, defense looks to be getting back on track. Fuck the Jets, aka the team Kirk Cousins played like a goddamn Stradivarius during free agency.Q: What was the key to limiting the big plays that have been plaguing the defense the past few games?What Zim Tzu meant: Well during the week I was talking to George Edwards and I said ‘hey George you know that scheme we’ve been using a lot where all of our guys run away from the fuckin’ dude with the ball like Sir Robin from Monty Python? Yeah, that’s a great fuckin’ movie but a stupid goddamn scheme. If I wanted that kind of bullshit I’d have Mike Pettine and Dom Capers fucking this up way more than you ever could. Knock that shit off.’ So he did.Q: Do you have an update on the status of Mike Hughes after he had an MRI this morning?What Zim Tzu meant: FUUUUUUCK!!! Do you know three of my top five draft picks have had fucking knees blow up on them since I’ve been here? More irritating than Fran Drescher’s fucking voice.Q: What can you say about the progress of Brian O’Neill since he got here until now?What Zim Tzu meant: He’s playing like a bona fide NFL tackle. In other words, he’s the exact opposite of Human Turnstile Matt Kalil. It’s amazing we picked an offensive lineman that doesn’t suck, but I’ll take it.Q: How deflating is it for an opponent when you’re able to score going in and out of halftime?What Zim Tzu meant: Oh it’s funner than kicking you in the balls, Tomasson. Q: In terms of the defense’s success on third down against Arizona, is there a common theme that you saw on tape?What Zim Tzu meant: Well, we had guys on defense do this thing we like to call ‘tackle’ Anthony Barr Jersey , which was painfully absent the first few games. It’s amazing what happens when we quit doing the Dead Arm Dance tackling technique and smacked some fuckers in the mouth for a change.Q: What does losing Mike Hughes mean for the depth of the cornerback position? Will Holton Hill be expected to play a larger role?What Zim Tzu meant: It’s like going home thinking you had taken out a nice steak to cook on the grill, because the weather is still good, and it’s not snowing, or raining, or colder than your ex-girlfriend’s soulless fucking heart outside. But you get home and yeah, in your rush to get to work you forgot to pull out that nice ribeye. God damn it! So you look in the fridge and you have some three day old casserole bullshit in there, so yeah whatever the fuck I guess I’ll warm up that gruel and eat that instead. At least I can have a nice cold beer and OH FUCK ME I’M OUT OF BEER, TOO.It fucking sucks, man. Q: What is it about Latavius Murray’s game that has enabled him to have success in the downhill runs?What Zim Tzu meant: Number one, Latavius would knife your grandmother if it was the difference between fourth and one or a first down. Secondly, and this was truly amazing, I think we witnessed a Fuckin’ Fatima Miracle when I saw offensive linemen blocking and opening holes for him to run through. Hail Mary, Full of five yard runs.Q: Was it an emphasis to go to Laquon Treadwell early yesterday and how much of the impact can he make if defenses start paying him more attention?What Zim Tzu meant: Yeah so here’s the deal. On Wednesday I told Flip ‘we’re going to throw the first two passes to Treadwell and if he drops them I’m going to take an industrial stapler and literally fucking staple a goddamn deflated football to his hands’, and Flip said ‘hey that might do the trick’, and lo and behold I guess he didn’t want to have a fucking football stapled to his hands. Or my foot up his ass. Q: What do about the tipped passes? It looked as if Kirk Cousins was trying to get the ball out quickly on those possessions.What Zim Tzu meant: I knew you fuckers were gonna ask me this question Everson Griffen Jersey , since Granitejaw McDreamy had approximately 182 passes blocked. Don’t throw it into the fucking arms of defensive linemen. That’s how to keep it from happening. It’s not fuckin’ rocket science. Q: What did the interior offensive linemen do to open those runs up?What Zim Tzu meant: Well I touched on this a little bit earlier, but much like our defense is now doing this technique we like to call ‘tackling’, our offensive linemen have developed this radical new thing called ‘blocking’. It’s when you take the guy across from you, move him to the side, and then you watch the running back move past you towards this fucking mystical place called ‘the end zone’. Q: How close of a call was it with Dalvin Cook yesterday?What Zim Tzu meant: C’mon baby, just the tip. See you cockteases next week. The Minnesota Vikings were contacted by the NFL league office and told to include defensive end Everson Griffen on the team’s injury report after not being listed on Wednesday, according to Chris Tomasson of the St. Paul Pioneer-Press.Griffen returned to the Vikings this week after a month-long leave of absence from the team to address mental health related issues following an incident at a Minneapolis hotel.It has yet to be determined whether Griffen will play this week for the Vikings. He was not listed on the team’s practice report on Wednesday, but was added to the report on Thursday after fully participating with a non-injury related designation. That designation was also retroactively applied to his Wednesday status as well.Per Tomasson, the reason for Griffen’s listing is more competitive reasons. If Griffen wasn’t listed on the report all week and his playing status is in question, it would be a disadvantage to the New Orleans Saints, who the Vikings play this weekend. If he isn’t likely to play, he will need to be listed as questionable, doubtful or out on the team’s injury report at the end of the week.